The State of the Union Drinking Game, 2011 Edition

If you're anything like us, you spent Sunday only half-watching the NFL conference championship games, attending to them out of some shapeless feeling of duty and the ever-present impulse to call Jay Cutler a pansy. Because to a true fan of epic conflict, there is only one Big Game a year, and it's happening on Tuesday evening at 9 p.m.: the State of the Union address.

(Brief interlude of seriousness: David Frum, the prominent conservative and George W. Buch's speechwriter, has penned a draft for the president. Read it while you're still sober.)

Pre-game:

After a tough year, perennial favorite Barack "Iceman" Obama ended the season on an up note, and will enter the chamber with momentum (though not Joementum) on his side. Injuries have taken out some of his special-teams players, but the core of his multiple-trophy-winning lineup remains in place: "Hammerin'" Harry Reid, Chuck "The Enforcer" Schumer, Nancy "Big Gavel" Pelosi. The president has to feel confident with these grizzled veterans at his back.

But the opposition will be tough. The Republicans have a number of intriguing new faces on their varsity team, including opthalmologist Dr. Rand "Angel Eyes" Paul and rookie sensation Marco "El Castaño" Rubio. They, too, have no shortage of veterans, most notably "My Way or the Highway" Mitch McConnell and John "Maverick" McCain. And their JV team is just plain stacked.

If the president pulls off a victory Tuesday, it'll bode well for his 2012 season. If the Republicans can turn the crowd against him, though... oh, for chrissakes. If you're as sick of this extended metaphor as we are — not to mention as sick of politics — you're also ready for a drink. And for some real football. But it's two endless weeks before we'll have any. So here's your State of the Union Drinking Game, updated for 2011 — musical chairs and all. Got to get through this drudgery somehow....

Source: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/state-of-the-union-drinking-game-2011-5022792?src=rss

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